Ever since I applied to Mission Year in November, it has been looming in the back of my
mind. I knew that if I did indeed get accepted, that soon that I would have to
start talking about it.
What is it?
Well…
It =
Fundraising.
The word fundraising
has always made me cringe.
Fundraising implies
that I cannot provide for myself. Fundraising
implies that I need support from others. Fundraising implies a sort of dependence. Fundraising is not something I need, but they need.
(Who is they? I
don’t know, but I think it.)
Just re-reading that fundraising paragraph makes my
entire being wince…and doesn’t settle well with me.
* * *
I’ve been working through these thoughts for the last two
months, trying to understand my avoidance of fundraising. I’ve talked to many
people, from Mission Year and not, people who have fundraised and have support
raised, and gleaned much wisdom from them.
As of now, I’m still in the beginning stages of working
through these pride-filled revelations. Revelations that show that I associate
fundraising with weakness and dependence.
Revelations that show that I associate asking for help
(through fundraising) with shame.
Revelations that show that I believe frameworks that
directly contradict the community development and community organizing work
that I am going into.
But I digress.
* * *
I’m grateful for those who have begun to help me sort
through the pride-filled, untrusting mess. And I’m grateful that I have a whole
year to keep working through these frameworks as I’m fundraising. And I’m
grateful that I know that Truth will shine through this pride mess.
I look forward to the day when without shame I can share
with you all how you can support me in this Mission Year journey through
donating. I look forward to the upcoming day when I can share how I need
support with strength and a deep understanding of interdependence and a posture of humility.
But until then,
Amber
No comments:
Post a Comment