Sunday, February 16, 2014

Right Now, Honesty is My Best Policy


Ever since I applied to Mission Year in November, it has been looming in the back of my mind. I knew that if I did indeed get accepted, that soon that I would have to start talking about it.

What is it?

Well…

It = Fundraising.

The word fundraising has always made me cringe.

Fundraising implies that I cannot provide for myself. Fundraising implies that I need support from others. Fundraising implies a sort of dependence. Fundraising is not something I need, but they need.

(Who is they? I don’t know, but I think it.)

Just re-reading that fundraising paragraph makes my entire being wince…and doesn’t settle well with me.

*  *  *

I’ve been working through these thoughts for the last two months, trying to understand my avoidance of fundraising. I’ve talked to many people, from Mission Year and not, people who have fundraised and have support raised, and gleaned much wisdom from them.

As of now, I’m still in the beginning stages of working through these pride-filled revelations. Revelations that show that I associate fundraising with weakness and dependence.

Revelations that show that I associate asking for help (through fundraising) with shame.

Revelations that show that I believe frameworks that directly contradict the community development and community organizing work that I am going into.

But I digress.

*  *  *

I’m grateful for those who have begun to help me sort through the pride-filled, untrusting mess. And I’m grateful that I have a whole year to keep working through these frameworks as I’m fundraising. And I’m grateful that I know that Truth will shine through this pride mess.  

I look forward to the day when without shame I can share with you all how you can support me in this Mission Year journey through donating. I look forward to the upcoming day when I can share how I need support with strength and a deep understanding of interdependence and a posture of humility.

But until then,
Amber

 

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Why I'm Excited to be a Mission Year Team Member: Reason One


1. Living in a city.

 *  *  *

You can tell me that you find God in the whisper of wind marinating in a meadow.
That the perfection of the pine and the lilies of lime move you to turn your face and acknowledge Him.
That the trees, breeze and sunsets melt on your face in a serenade of unrelenting pursuit.
And that would all be fine, all fine.

But I find God in the mess of the broken
(Which is all of us)
It remains unspoken
That the more people round me that gather and bleed point me to the seed that grows into Everlasting.

It can be the dealer who tells me of his past
And the Light he has found, but at long last
He keeps wheeling and dealing (and sometimes stealing)
But falls on his knees at night and weeps unworthy.

It is their stories—the stories of others.
The testimonies of love, of my sisters and brothers
Walking from sidewalk to street to alley to greet
Others in this place we call the city.

I find God in the “Greater things have yet to come.”
Of the reconciliation, restoration (new words to some)
The words that are too great to fully relate the overarching Restoration I so desperately yearn for.

For.
For.
I see God in their faces.
My fellow city dwellers, looking for grace it’s
A reflection of the power’s sovereignty when we equate failing with poverty and throw people under a bus for the sake of our lust for success and comfort.


So I find God in the mess of the city,
A city that some would label “pity”
But I see Hope.


And Hope has a name. 







For anyone interested in supporting me in my Mission Year journey through financial gifts:
https://missionyear.thankyou4caring.org/donate
Designation: Amber Cullen