Watercolors: A Lament

I remember standing at the trolley stop watching

the pigeons eating mounds of rice on the sidewalk

and I cried because I thought they were going to

die because their stomachs would swell from the rice and explode.

It reminded me of when I was younger 

and how I read about survivors of concentration camps

and how they ate too much food too fast after being released 

and they died and how it made me sad because 

their first taste of freedom after being held captive for so long

was their unintentional death sentence.

Maybe I was crying because of the pigeons but

maybe I was crying because of the people

I don't really know anymore sometimes it's hard to figure out

because everything is really sad and everyone is in pain

and much like watercolors it all blends together.

One day on the trolley I stared at a woman who looked so incredibly sad

and I wanted to give her a hug but I was white and she was black

and I didn’t know her so I just stared at her until

I got off at my stop and cried and wondered if maybe I should have 

just talked with her anyway even though she was black and I was white

but she was sad and even if I don't understand what it is 

to be black I understand what it is to be sad 

and maybe a hug would have been nice for both of us.

Sometimes I stare at the sun and think about all of the people in all of the world

who are looking up at the same time at the exact same sun and I wonder 

about how we got to a point where we're so disconnected 

and how everything is sad and everyone is in pain 

and how its like a watercolor painting in the rain 

and how tears are for pigeons and people and all of creation.