Stagnant before Summer Camp

South Street Summer Camp starts today. Today. As in less than four hours as I type this. I’d like to say that I’m calm, cool, and collected, ready to start the day, but that would be a bit of a lie.

For the last three weeks I have been preparing for this day—brainstorming, having meetings, pondering, reflecting, creating programming, disciplinary tactics, structure. In theory, I thought the preparation was pretty much perfect.

Perfect. A disgusting word that has lured me again and again down dark paths of performance based ethics. Somewhere between “I tried my best” and “I didn’t try at all” I choose this extreme of 110%, then finding myself struggling to keep up with my own self-set standard.  

And then eventually I find myself in a place where I am today—burnt out, stagnant. Weighed down by perfectionism, I stand paralyzed, unable to fail and unable to move forward.

In my life, it’s not Pride and Prejudice, it’s Pride and Perfectionism. 

In Luke 18 Jesus tells this parable that hits me in the gut every time:

The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 

“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ 

“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

 

“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

 

So many times I find myself saying the words of the Pharisee and not the tax collector.

A great example---today.

 

I'm thankful that He humbles me when I choose to exalt myself and my abilities and ideas and me me me, even when the humbling process is a difficult process. (Which means it is even more needed.)

I'm thankful that I don’t have to be perfect, an impossible attainment, because One has already come in Perfection.

I'm thankful that forgiveness covers ALL sins, especially self-righteousness. 

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Today I go to Summer Camp as the imperfect person I am, choosing to fail forward, confident in the power of the Grace that holds me. 

And so we go.