Sunday, November 11, 2012

One Gray Dress 2012: A Reflection


                                                                             Photo Credit: Bree Lea Photography

Author’s Note: One Gray Dress is a challenge to use fashion as a means of social justice, wearing the same gray dress for 24 days to create awareness for human sex trafficking.


The moment I heard about One Gray Dress, I knew I was going to participate. I wasn’t sure how this was going to happen, as I not only didn’t have a gray dress, but was aware how out of my comfort zone and radical this was going to be for me. I knew it was going to be a challenge from the get go—a challenge to wear the same dress everyday, a challenge to keep my eyes on my motives so that I wouldn’t slip into doing this as a way to “boost my image,” a challenge to learn about the horrors of human trafficking and really allow myself to explore these uncharted territories. Twenty-five days after, at the conclusion of the project, I have some reflections, some thoughts. I have grown more that I could have ever imagined during this past month, not only in character, but also in worldview and awareness. 


Here are five lessons from the past month.

1. I don’t need stuff.

It’s really as simple as that. Growing up in an extremely consumer driven culture has engrained it in my brain that I need all this STUFF—the new boots, three pairs of scissors, multiple gadgets and gizmos. And I have totally believed it. Totally believed it…until I wore the same dress for 24 days. Suddenly I realize that shirts can be used as a scarf, and scarves can be skirts, and my world is oddly turned upside down as I begin to question why I have SO MANY CLOTHES. Why I have SO MUCH STUFF. Consistently juxtaposing my life daily with those in sex slavery made me realize how trivial all of my materialism tendencies are in the grand scheme of everything. Why buy a new purse when I can make one out of my jeans? Then I have an awesome purse, and an awesome story, and I get to CREATE A PURSE. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! What does a purse matter in the grand scheme of everything anyway? It’s like bought happiness. 

I desire to simplify instead of multiply, focusing my energy on reducing my footprint for the common good. I’ve been especially affected thinking about how the items I buy were at one point most likely touched by someone in forced labor (human trafficking). How can I reduce the problem by reducing my footprint? By buying secondhand more often and using my creativity for viable solutions when I have problems, I truly believe that I can reduce this footprint, and in some way, help.



2. Expanding one’s worldview cultivates gratitude.

I had days where I woke up and would go through the day, almost in a zombie trance, unable to decipher the thoughts in my head and overall overwhelmed with all that was being thrown at me. Even on these days when I chose to stay in this mood, not actively seeking redemption in it, as I was doing this project, I found that the lows became less low. I would look down at my dress and think of the women who were being raped repeatedly at that moment, and recognize that the fact that I was breathing and not in a situation such as that, which was a gift. I would recognize that what I take for granted is not experienced by all, and for that, I have a reason to celebrate every moment, to savor every moment, if not for me, for them (as empathy is also cultivated with thankfulness). 

As I go to a play, I am struck by the beauty of it—not only of the performers, but that I am able to be at a play, free, watching this gift given by the performers that I get to unwrap and enjoy moment by moment. Everyday the dress began to feel like an externalization of my internal workings and thoughts, “Regardless of what today brings, I am going to face it, not by myself, but with others, as I am imperfect and fall to the darkness in this world and need help up.” This externalized mantra really helped to solidify that changes that have been going on inside of me for the last few months, as I had a purpose and reason (the gray dress) to externalize thoughts of social justice, passions, and Jesus. 



3. I love social justice.

Many most likely knew this about me before I, but I’ve been chewing on this for two years now, this whole social justice concept. It has only been recently, within the last five months, that it has absolutely exploded, (beautifully so), and this love manifested itself in the Project. My friend Bree took modeling photos of me at the onset of One Gray Dress that I could use for promotion purposes through social media, creating awareness about the Project, and ultimately, human trafficking itself. As these pictures were taken, I didn’t struggle with thoughts of self-image—in fact, it was quite the opposite. I wasn’t self conscious, as I knew that these photos were not taken for myself but for the benefit of others. 

As the project went on, I found myself loving being able to share my experiences with others, whether it be social media or face-to-face. I’ve always known that I am a sharer at heart, but it has never so clearly manifested itself until the purpose of human trafficking was behind it, and suddenly, all insecurities were gone. It was beautiful. 

Friends, I love social justice. I love the “outcasts,” the ones that society has deemed unworthy or of less value—the abused, the broken, the mentally ill, the impoverished, the incarcerated, all of these PEOPLE. Because that is what they are…they are people. And it is beautiful when common humanity can be found in all, and love is shared.



4. Taking a stand and speaking up for yourself is scary, but important.

As I faced opposition before this project, and discouragement, I began to learn the importance of taking a stand. I began this project impulsively, the only affirmation being from myself. Being this alone in affirmation was rough and strange, but I knew that it was important in order for me to grow. As the days went by and I found myself beginning to feel dumb wearing the same dress, recognizing that not only was I making this about me, but that I was taking an extreme amount of pride in my looks, I was able to stand tall in my insecurities and face them for what they are—fear induced lies. I was still loved when I wore the same dress, I was still loved when I disagreed with others, acknowledging their opinions and respectfully stating mine. This was mind-boggling for me, as I’ve always latched onto this fear of rejection, which has hindered me from exploring avenues of interest (social justice, radically different lifestyles, cultural exploration), for fear of being rejected and opposed, instead conforming to what I think I’m “supposed” to do instead of being true to myself. 

One Gray Dress taught me to take a stand, as each day I was externalizing what I felt on the inside (social justice), and was able to slowly transform into this mold that I have been desiring to grow into. Basically, it has been a beautiful transition for myself, and I have learned so much in this realm of self-discovery especially.



5. This world needs a Savior.

Please know before you read this that these are my beliefs. Feel free to agree or disagree, but I’d encourage you to read regardless, as this is the crux of what I have learned. 

It has been increasingly apparent to me as the days have went on during this project—this world is incredibly sick. From the dehumanizing of women until they become a good that is bought and sold, to my very own slavery footprint (www.slaveryfootprint.org), to the injustices in all countries (even the United States), it is so easy to become discouraged by all that is around. The most horrendous story I heard about human trafficking was one from Germany, where they were beating women’s teeth out so that they would be better at oral sex. A 9-month-old baby was rescued from the brothel—the baby was used for oral sex. I am disgusted by this. Disgusted. How can one find hope in a world such as this? How can one find hope in a broken world that falls victim to materialism, violence, hatred, pride, lies?

Jesus is my only hope—what is keeping me in this sick world. (This is not a vague statement, as I can sit down and spew my thought logic of how I came to this realization. Seriously, I would love to do that…it’s a great story.) He redeems this world and redeems me (this means that He pulls me out of all of the self-made holes I dig myself into by choosing other choices rather than Love), and because of this I can face these situations and stories such as the one above and begin to understand this broken world, and the Savior’s role in God’s love story. 

These last three sentences are loaded, absolutely loaded, and I have yet to unpack all that I have learned about God through this project, and all that I have learned about man’s capability for evil and the evils of the world. I’m assuming that as the months go by, I will be able to unpack them, and as I do, be able to be taught more lessons like the ones above.


*  *  *


At the conclusion of this project, I am blown away by all of the support from others. From people coming up to me and saying, “I love watching your dress project online,” or “I like your outfit today…and I like what you’re doing,” it has truly been an amazing experience. My eyes have been opened to further injustices nationwide, and to how my strengths can potentially play a role in a career oriented in some sort of social entrepreneurship avenue. I have learned SO MUCH about human trafficking, and am encouraged by the amount of awareness that was raised, not only through my participation in One Gray Dress, but by every other woman and by the Aruna 5K. The past month has shown me what mission really looks like, and for that I am so extremely grateful.

Tomorrow another day begins, but the women and men and children involved in human trafficking are still in my heart. I’m aching not only for them, but for all of us—all of the broken people in this world, struggling to love and be loved. At the end of the day, all I can do is worship the Redeemer, my only Hope, and fight FROM victory, not TO victory. And this makes all the difference.

Much love,

Am




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